Have You Ever Had a Friend That You Hated?

- I mean, as your friend, I have to say...
(Awkward pause.)
(Oh my goodness. Where did that come from? In my head, I say I hate her, I mean, you wouldn't believe the stuff I think about her, and now this? How can I be such a hypocrite?)
- Oh... Alright, but you know, I can't just rush it. These things take time, we can't break up right away, we mean so much to each other. We've been together for 5 years.
(What did I expect? I can't make her admit that she's a bloodsucking, materialistic bitch. It's none of my business anyway. I must be drunk. How on Earth did I end up with her again?)
We keep chatting about things like her new art project - which by the way, is not very creative or interesting in my opinion, and I say this after some serious struggling to understand her hazy concept, which she wouldn't shut up about ever since it turned out some of the 'principals' liked it. She's clearly an attention whore, one of the 'lack-of-selfesteem - occasionally-feeling-on top-of-the-world' kind that needs affirmation more than anything and is willing to do anything to get it.

Others always dominated me. From time to time, the notion that this might be my destiny shoves me into the deepest of depressions, and I begin to contemplate if slavishness is my nature. Maybe it's in my blood, that's what my parents and ascendants chose as a survival tactic. I hate to listen to others problems or achievements and yet, I find myself too often to be stuck in this position. I guess it's just easier to let others provide the content of a conversation. It's not that I have nothing to say - or maybe it is. Why would they care about anything that happens to me? Why would I tell about my small successes, troubles and thoughts? The others don't seem to ask these questions from themselves. Or perhaps their desire to communicate overcomes reasoning.